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Do you think that the following is appropriate communication between a married woman and her ex husband?

1st email: wife to ex husband

It’s me again saying hello, since you do not make an effort to keep in touch! I’m sure I saw you on Channel 4 news yesterday in connection with the Jesse Jackson tour launch or perhaps I’m mistaken.


2nd email – response from ex husband

Did not think you would be that interested in keeping in touch although I do not think I have been that wayward. It wasnt me on Channel 4 News. Cant say I have been a fan of Jackson of late although the recent stuff on taking responsibility is ok. Get a bit narked why people genuflect in Jacksons direction and are so grateful to take lectures from him the history of race politics in USA is an absolute disaster. Dont think we should be taking lessons there.

Out of work at the end of this month but £40K richer… DRC is merging with EOC and CRE into the Commission for Equalities and Human Rights. I have decided not to go in but to take early release. Very bored of work right now and need to think about what to do for the next 20 years.

You ok?

3rd email

Really nice to hear from you. Don’t know why you got the impression I did not want to keep in touch.

I understand why you want to take a break from work, but you know the money won’t last long. I assume you have holidays lined up. Have you been to Jamaica with your mum yet?

For me it is the same old story regarding work, although it has become more pressurising what with fixed fees being introduced by the LSC from the 1st of October this year. The public have no idea that the legal aid system is being totally decimated. I am doing a lot of care work (which as you may recall I used to dread) since the fees have not been slashed in the same way as matrimonial etc. I keep myself sane by going to the gym everyday and doing Open University courses. You will be surprised to note that I am taking a real interest in opera and western classical music (I wonder where that interest emanates from!). Although I did not appreciate it at the time, I missed listening to it and therefore am building up a collection!

Do keep in touch and please give me your new email address.

Take care


4th email
Can you read this?

Recognition at last for Kerala south East Asian language palindrome was a Guardian clue last week!!

We were going to JR the LSC on their reform proposals because we felt the reduction in costed hours would be disastrous for complex disability discrimination cases we know that a lot of practitioners just dont get the DDA. Unfortunately our commission bottled it.

Could be going to Jamaica in November but with my Dad his mum is dying and I will be going to witness her closing hours.

I am amazed about the classical stuff. If you are interested in getting a good collection you should listen to Building a Library every Saturday on radio 3 kick of at 9.00am. 9.30 is the slot where they review the best recording of a particular piece. They are usually on the money. You may know of Gramophone too a very good magazine that comes out monthly as is exhaustive reference to good new recordings.

I am still playing the Indian flute and practicing my ragas a legacy that you left me with…


After the I found out that she was in communication with him, she promised to stop but went on to do it behind my back. Trust is gone- I am divorcing her.
Are these 2 really over each other and should the current husband put up with it?

Asked by:roh P


  1. Married says:

    OOOOH YEEEAH! I can smellllll the curry!

  2. Gia says:

    No way I am reading this crap! You must be bored today or drunk as a skunk.

  3. JACKIE R says:

    First of all, I find it disturbing that you have this communication avaialble to post on the internet, you may be ex husband number 2 if she finds out.
    Secondly, you must understand that it’s normal for ex’s to talk..they did after all spend a life together and probably still have alot in common even if they are no longer compatible.

    Lastly, you might want to ask yourself why she is seeking out someone to have a conversation with…what you posted seems innocent enough,but she may be lonely if you are not spending time with her like you should or if you are not available for meaningful conversation. The worst feeling in the world for a woman is to feel alone even when she’s not. Instead of posting this nonsense on the internet, you should probably talk to your wife first or better yet, just spend some quality time with her, take her out..actually talk to her and respond to her.

    Good luck.

  4. eharrah1 says:

    What’s wrong with it? Two people that once meant a lot to each other keeping up. Are you the jealous new person in the relationship that can’t stand your boyfriend to be friends with his ex? Get over it or you will not last too long.

  5. J says:

    Umm… I honestly don’t see what the problem is. From your question I was expecting a full blown out argument but I can’t find any problem with these emails, just two exs talking and catching up with each other. If you don’t want your ex to talk to you, you definitely should make that a lot more clear than this because I did not get a hint at all that either person in this conversation did not want to talk to the other person or was bothering them. What makes a conversation inappropriate or appropriate is not who is having it or what is said but rather how the people involved in the conversation feel about it and what they have done to correct any negative feelings. In this conversation there’s no indication of ill feeling, much less any attempt to correct any problems with ill feeling. There’s absolutely no problem to address.

    If you do have a problem with this, it’s a good time to sit down and consider what your problem is and what you’re going to do to resolve it. It’s definitely not anything “wrong” with the conversation itself but perhaps something in the conversation is triggering old memories of mistreatment and you have yet to put your finger on what it is that is triggering you. That’s ok and completely normal, just remember while you’re trying to figure it out that it’s not going to be something someone else can tell you. We’re not going to be able to see what your problem is because it’s internal and not external.

    I highly recommend reading up on healthy communication skills and setting boundaries. This will really help in accomplishing your goal in a manner that is healthy and balanced for all involved.

    Best wishes!

    P.S. Aha, I just realized you must be her boyfriend or something. Rest assured there’s nothing suspicious about these communications. When people get divorced it’s not like they necessarily stop caring about each other forever, they may have just found that they do not work together as marriage partners.

  6. Townes says:

    I don’t see anything inappropriate. Though they both sound boring to me. I agree that promises ought to be kept, but none of this sounds even mildly flirtatious.

  7. Mai C says:

    I honestly cannot see anything wrong with any of it. Why would anyone take offence to anything there unless that anyone was totally insecure?

    Nothing fishy there.

  8. do i care? says:

    No wonder its communication between ex’s. What a bloody boring couple

  9. Wilhelmina says:

    Too much and too uninteresting anyway.

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