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My story goes too quick any tips?

heres what i have so far… Never mind typos as of now I understand they are there
Present Day
The strong aroma of coffee peeked under james’s door, made its way around the ceiling fan, and drifted to his face. james’s eyes opened a crack, closed , opened a bit wider, closed, and finally “GRRRRRR!” . He was awake. He threw on the gray t shirt and jeans that he laid out the night before and proceeded to the mirror in the bathroom. It was not kind to him at all today . One could tell he had something on his mind with his furrowed brow and his grayish pale complexion. Not that he wasn’t a handsome man , his light brown hair was a little messy and unkempt and he haven’t shaved in a couple days but what the hell he had some things to take care of. And he sure as **** wasn’t trying to impress anyone. Never the less he brushed his teeth and tried to make good with his hair. In a grumpy monotone voice he yelled to no one “COFFFEE!”.

Still waking up he refused to think about what lay before him. He just sipped on his coffee and lit a cigarette, watching the earth start its day. The sky wasn’t nearly as gloomy as his mood, but there were a couple gray clouds, not threatening but there to upset the apple cart none the less. “SHIT!” … looks like he is figuring that he should get a move on. His car was already packed and he dropped off his Husky “ Blake” at his friends house last night. All That was left to do was grab his phone charger and lock up… done. Grudgingly he open the driver door to his 06 Toyota 4Runner and started backing out the driveway. “MAIL,” He Shook his head and parked his car at the end of his driveway. Needless tp say he went to check the mail. A few bills, Revolver Magazine, and a postcard.
POSTCARD “ Ill be waiting. ” james’s eyes then went from confused to angry. His ex inlaws must have been fucking with him. “I don’t have time for this ****!” . He jumped back into the vehicle and peeled out of his driveway. However it didn’t take long for his emotions to morph once again, to sorrow. The days that lay ahead of him were to bring some closure due to his late wife. Melinda died 2 years ago this Saturday. They married 5 years ago this Friday. So yes emotions are running high. His destination, Ivy Veil. A small Village on the Finger Lakes of Western New York. They went there every chance they could since 8 years ago when they got lost going to a Blue Oyster Cult show. They stumbled upon the village with wineries, little shops, and unique little taverns and loved it ever since. He was shaking at the moment and figured he better do his best to keep his mind off of it for the next 3 hours he will be drving. Some tunes sould do the trick, he thought. Not even bothering with the radio we went for his book of dead format. Out came The Tea Party’s Transmision. Bobbing his head to the the beat of Jeff Burrows steady snare he calmed down and let his mind drift elsewhere for a moment. Elsewhere was taking him exactly where he wanted to be.

Ivy Veil Columbus day 2008

James Felt a wet pressure on his face, followed by the startling yet soothing sound of his lovers’s voice. “Wake up! Come on old man!” James had nothing to say except for… “MRRAGGAHHH” Melinda smirked at her husband, and proceded to poke his exposed belly “Come on honey. We Have a contest to win!” James awoke with a migraine and the taste of wine and cloves.
Finnaly mustering up the umph, James sat up and stared deeply into his beautiful wife’s eyes. “Come back to bed, we aready won 2 out of the 5 years, let someone else get it this year.” Melinda rolled her deep blue eyes at him. “ Quit it!” and then thoughtfully “ What if I make it worth you while?” James shook his head like a little kid who was asked if they wanted to go to Disney World. She Smirked and kiss his cheek, then lips and proceeded to drop her silky white robe . It coiled like a snake on the cool hardwood floor of their room at the Driftlight Inn. Her bare body exposed, James grew a **** eating grin as she attacked him for what she craved.

Peaked and covered with sweat Melinda rolled off of James, James rolled off the bed only to step on a broken wine glass “ ****!” “What happened?, Oh jeez I’ll fix you up hold on. “ James while still in pain watched his wife’s **** backside run to the bathroom to retrieve her arsenal. She tossed he bag in his direction and then ran to the table to grab a bottle of Bully Hill Baco Noir. “ She shoved it into his hands “Drink.” He did as she proceded to extract the violator from his foot. Some peroxcide, Neosporin, a bandage… almost as good as new. “ Now give me some of that” , He smiled at his wife and did so . James stood up. His foot was definatly sore but he wasn’t going to let it ruin their day. He got ready and tried not to let Melinda see his pain. “Ok. Ready to go?” Melinda mockingly looked up at him “YESSSS!. Haha” Her face changed “James” “Yeah?“ I” wish we
You know you make a valid point. Forgive me, I had the juices flowing and didn’t feel like stopping. Anyways, I will fix all that, and would defiantly appreciate your help with it. Anyways there was more to it that got cut out. Since your email is private I will give you mine. Darkkard@ymail.com. Thank you. Hopefully I did not scare you from assisting me. Thanks.
You said OMG? hahaa

Asked by:darkkard

One Comment

  1. akaMaryn says:

    Nope. I can’t and won’t ‘never mind the typos,’ because they’re distracting. People serious about writing would be ashamed to present work they know is full of obvious, easily-fixed mistakes. Any place your writing appears is your shop window, and right now, yours is displaying broken goods.

    If you want the help of people who know what they’re doing, don’t present them with anything less than the best you can do without their help. If you haven’t given your best effort, why should I give any effort?

    I recommend you correct this to contain no typos, no spelling mistakes, and no grammatical errors. (I don’t think much of any grammar check program, but I see mistakes even those would have caught.) I will be glad to help you determine why it’s running short and what you can do to change that, if you’ll do your work to clean this up–and I know my stuff.

    Edit: OMG, a positive attitude. [Maryn faints.] I hope I’ll see you at a writing site I visit several times a day, where people far more skilled than I will also help you. It’s

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