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Is this story any good ?

When your best friend is the closest thing to family you have, it kind of hurts when she tells you she is moving to the other side of the country. Normally a best friend would tell you this news in private not when you get to school, in front of the boy you like and all of your friends. Ah, but you see, Grace Sandi is not your normal best friend. She may behave as a normal friend, she even has all the characteristics of a best friend, but once you get to know her, she is quite unique. And that is how this story started.

When I arrived at Macgregor State High School, it was just like any other morning. The popular rich kids were in there spot near the hall, the computer geeks were singing to the radio, which as normal was playing old 80’s songs, my group was sitting in its normal place, on the other side of the hall. The one thing out of place was my two friends running, no sprinting, over to me screaming my name. Once they reached me, they told me that Grace had news to tell us all and she wasn’t telling them until I got there.

Standing in the small group of grace’s closest friends, she pulled me aside and told me she was moving to a beach town in Western Australia. Of course like any normal person, I reacted in a very ‘shameful‘manner, I started bawling. Oh of course I had to wear my nice thick eyeliner to school that day, I could feel it running down my cheeks along with many of my tears.

This is when my best friend’s uniqueness kicked in, she told me to stop crying because she couldn’t cope with tears. Of course though, being the emotional person I am, I didn’t stop crying I cried even more! Sam, the boy I like, gave me a big bear hug and told me I still had him. To hear that made me somewhat happier, but I knew he was only being nice and he was only trying to cheer me up.

All through that day, I acted like a close loved one had died, not like my best friend was leaving. Many people asked why I was so upset, “she is just a friend, you have many more,” that’s what they all said to me. Every time someone said that, a memory of my loving family flashed into my mind, and I felt flustered, and like I couldn’t breathe, they didn’t know why I was so upset, no one did, only Gracie.

Asked by:Penelope.


  1. Teags says:

    I think this story is very good, maybe you should elaborate the character that is speaking more. But other than that i think its excellent for a young writer.

  2. Chaz100 says:

    I thought the story line was very good, well told.

    However, your piece has some mechanical problems that you should work harder to avoid because they detract from a good story. Some words are wrong (there instead of their) a capital was missing, (grace), etc.. … and like I couldn’t breathe, … dump the “like” … It’s a curse in conversation, just as bad in writing unless done on purpose to characterize an airhead teen.

    Macgregor State High School, struck me as the name of an institution where juvenile delinquents are incarcerated rather than a normal high school, and was also misspelled besides. These are very easily avoided by having someone else read your material, These problems would jump out to a set of fresh eyes. We authors are very poor proof readers of our own material. Your material is too good to let distractions like these get in the way.

    I don’t know what program you use when writing, but MS Word, with its grammar checker turned on, in conjunction with its spell checker, would help identify these sort of problems,

    You’ve got a nice hook in the story. Readers will definitely want to find out more. Keep the grammar mistakes and misspellings out and I think you will do very well.You’re very lucky because it’s so correctable.. A good many authors wish that that were the extent of their problems.

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